Learning From Larry: Clinical Insights on Athlete Abuse
As a former competitive gymnast, and a current therapist and child abuse specialist, the Larry Nassar case is one I’ve been fixated on for awhile. It encapsulates so many key dynamics of both sexual abuse, and also sports culture. There are lots of great articles and books on it (I recommend The Girls: An All-American Town, a Predatory Doctor, and the Untold Story of the Gymnasts Who Brought Him Down by Abigail Pesta) so I’ll resist the urge to do a deep dive myself and instead offer some preventive tips for parents of children in competitive sports:.
Ask coaches and athletics organizations questions about how they ensure safety. Are children ever alone with adults? What sorts of policies are there around this? What about when the team travels? It’s 2024, if a coach is put off by being asked about safety policies, it’s a red flag.
Discuss body safety with children early and accurately. This one is tough, but the best way to ensure your child knows what to do in this situation, is to tell them what to do. Use direct and factual language that teaches kids that their body is nothing to be ashamed of. Teach children that their private parts are private, and no one should ever touch them there. If someone does, tries to, or does something else that makes them feel scared or uncomfortable, they should tell you right away. Tell them that they will never be in trouble for telling you about it, and that it’s your job to keep them safe. Ironically, child abuse professionals often mention the exception that doctors do touch a child’s private area (and parents too in the case of younger children), but it should made clear that a doctor’s exam should be quick and only once a year during a check up, unless if they are helping to treat a private part problem.
Explain the boundaries of a coach's power and control. In athletics, children are often praised for respect, and obedience. For older children, it’s important to explain that their coach is the boss of the sport, but not the boss of them. You can give examples of inappropriate and appropriate use of a coach's power. There might be some gray areas, such as coaches advising on an athlete's diet. This isn’t necessarily a red flag depending on the age of the child, the sport, and the advice given, but it should be monitored carefully by the parent.
Be candid about secrets. Secrets are ok for little things like surprise parties and crushes, but are never ok when someone is being hurt or might be hurt. Children benefit from having an honesty as best policy mentality modeled to them by their parents. As tempting as it might be to encourage your child to keep the McDonald’s run a secret from dad, or tell their teacher they were sick when they were at Disney World, this can breed a culture where keeping secrets for adults is viewed as normal. I even like to model this in my sessions with youth - “what you tell me here in therapy is confidential, but you can share whatever you want about our sessions, I would never ask you to keep anything a secret.”
Explore expressed negativity around sports thoughtfully. Listen - sports are expensive, and the value that many parents have surrounding “finish what you signed up for” tends to be a healthy life lesson. The important step here is to find out why your child wants to quit before you give them this lecture. If they’re hesitant to answer, remind them that while you may require them to honor their commitment, you will respect their thoughts and feelings, and that they will not be in trouble for sharing them with you.
Trust your gut, ask the questions. If your child is acting strange, it’s ok to ask questions. If you’re not sure what to ask, feel free to consult a child abuse professional.